Zizmor joke, which will be lost not only on all of the United Kingdom but also everyone who didn’t take the New York City subway repeatedly between the years of 19. There are only five queens left, so the runway takes about as long as Michelle’s Dr. Then Krystal tells us all that she’s a virgin and I feel awful for her, but also remember I hadn’t taken a dick at 19 either, so I guess that isn’t so strange? Still, I want Ella to use five of their remaining minutes to take her behind a rack of dresses and initiate her into the club. While they’re having this conversation, I’m like, “Shut up and finish your makeup! There isn’t time.” Finally, there are some stakes in the workroom. Most everyone focuses on their makeup, and Kitty is like, “Has anyone ever gotten trolled on the internet?” Ella says, “Mostly people are like, ‘I wanna lick your ass.’” Oh, the torment of being a gimbo (that’s a gay himbo) on Instagram. We also get an added pressure similar to the one of sleeping with your high school boyfriend at his parents’ house: not being able to finish before you have to stand before Mother. I always wondered, “How long are these ladies taking to do their makeup and change their outfits between runways during a ball? And who is feeding the judges who have to sit around listening to Michelle’s bad jokes while they wait?” Now we see just what goes into transforming from one look to the next. I appreciate Ru’s always cheery disposition, but sometimes you just gotta let a fugly do her fug, you fug what I’m fuggin’? The first category is Fugly Swimwear, and the ladies have 69 minutes to get into drag because this is Drag Race, and honestly, the timing couldn’t make me happier.
The ball’s theme is the FUGLY Ball, but instead of standing for “fucking ugly,” Ru says it’s supposed to mean Friend U Gotta Love Yourself. This time the gals will have a time limit on how long it takes them to get ready and won’t know the categories until just before they have to get ready. This time they take one of the familiar challenges, a “ball” where the girls do three looks, usually, one of which they have to craft from scratch, and completely improve it with the oldest of all reality competition show staples: a ticking clock. (No, not everyone loves puppets.) Yes, they’re all slightly different, but they’re also dreadfully the same. After so many seasons, we know just what the challenges will be - the reading challenge, Snatch Game, the Rusical, girl bands, an acting challenge, puppets. I loved it, and all it took was a simple clock. It’s so shameful we should try to stick it into a cabinet in Buckingham Palace and forget about it like the Queen did to Prince Andrew.” Then this episode happened, and it was not just the best episode of the season, but perhaps the best episode of any Drag Race anywhere in the world in quite a long time. I was all ready to show up this week and be like, “Ugh, this season of DRUK is a complete and utter disgrace to the nation.
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